Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
