So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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