I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
