If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
time to smoke my breakfast
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
