there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
