Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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