Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
