You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
