This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
