my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
