the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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