I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
