Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
