she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
