420 ftw
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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