is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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