girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
