Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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