Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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