you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
