he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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