come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
