that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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