He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
