Who wears a wallet chain?!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
