If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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