Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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