Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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