At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why is your signature on my underwear?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
