Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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