Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
