I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
