VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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