Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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