He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
