are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
