Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
