That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
