Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
