i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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