I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
