i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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