I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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