How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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