we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
