I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
