i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
