She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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