Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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