i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
