life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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