I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
