? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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